time to shave...

Tonight Jemma noticed the hair on my legs and said, "These are beginning to look like monster's legs... " Then, as if to reassure us both she said, "Anyway, we already know you're not a monster."

tired but happy

meeting our new daughter for the first time...

for good

We just had our court date in Ethiopia. It almost seemed too simple a procedure, after all the paperwork and the year-plus waiting time for the referral... There were a few questions and it was over. It took less than five minutes.

At the end, reminding us that our decision would be irreversible and irrevocable, the judge asked us whether we accepted the baby as ours. We answered, 'yes'. Then the judge said, "I don't have any more questions for you. She is yours for good."

For good, indeed.

the lesson

Jemma recently received a small snow-globe as a gift. She absolutely adored it - and liked to carry it around the house with her. I warned her that it could break easily, but she was so enthusiastic about having it that she often ended up 'forgetting' what I had told her.

Then this morning as I was packing her lunch for school I heard a cry from the next room. Her snow-globe had dropped and shattered - and she was devastated.

Now, you might think this would be the perfect opportunity to 'teach a lesson' - to show the child what happens when they don't listen... But I don't think so.

Bonnie Harris (the parenting expert) suggests that we avoid constantly 'teaching lessons' to our kids.

On her FB page she posts:

"Imagine thinking that your children are just fine the way they are and will learn what they need with strong, responsible, respectful modeling and that it is only our agendas that get in the way, create obstacles and take them off track."

And, additionally:

"When you see that your child is HAVING a problem (as opposed to 'being' a problem), you automatically switch from anger to compassion. That will change your reaction. All behavior stems from an internal state. If the behavior is off, it means the internal state is off. Punishing the behavior makes the internal state worse."

And for some reason, today I was aware enough to realize that sermonizing wasn't the appropriate response. Jemma already knew of all of the things I would have said, anyway - and they would have only served to make her feel worse. Instead, I put my arms around her and let her cry.

Life has all sorts of lessons and disappointments in store for every one of us. I think we're better off comforting one another than rubbing it in...

Maybe the lesson today was that there wasn't a lesson.

new monday

On Saturday I saw a facebook post by a friend from high-school - a video of a talk by Gary Yourofsky about being vegan - which I thought I'd watch for a few minutes before I flipped to something else... An hour later I was still watching.

Gary's talk was entertaining and informative, touching on many topics, including: health and disease, the food industry, world hunger, environmental issues, and animal rights.

There were some disturbing parts I didn't want to see - and if you're considering watching the video you may want to skip these parts. I'm not one of those people who will tell you you 'should' watch something. I will say, however, that I think it's always best to make conscious choices - so if you don't know what's going on in the industry and how animals are being treated, you may want to become better informed so that you know just what your lifestyle is costing someone else...

Here's the link, if you're interested:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es6U00LMmC4

I haven't eaten meat other than fish since I was 12 years old. And I've been back and forth with seafood... And I gave up dairy for Lent last year, but by and large dairy always seemed 'harmless' (and delicious) to me. Not so much anymore... Maybe someday if I have my own cow I'll go back to dairy...

For the moment I have no interest. I just went out and stocked up on alternatives... I'm currently doing a taste test on all the different 'milk' products out there (so far I like almond milk and coconut milk - soy is ok, rice is pretty good, but too sweet... and the jury's still out on hemp - because the container I bought had gone bad, so it was pretty gross.)

I'm not calling myself a vegan at this point - I've only just started, and I'm not sure I want to be labeled in that way anyway. But this is where I find myself at the moment.

decandence

It feels good to have my fingers on the keyboard for something other than electronically paying bills. Feels really good in fact. Not sure how it's feeling to whomever is reading this, but honestly that's not my concern right now. This is a selfish act and I am pretty okay about that. Sometimes I have to do things that just make me feel good. Kind of like sneaking a piece of chocolate, or turning into the drive-through of McDonalds to yell into the speaker, "Super size me with french fries and extra salt please!" then proceed to devour my ff's even before reaching the McDonalds exit.

I hate it when I find a dropped french fry in my seat later, or have to air out my car from the inevitably lingering 24 hour McDonald smell. But I still think it's worth it.

Curious...do you think it is a bad thing that when l call my local restaurant and order ff.'s with extra salt they automatically ask, " Will that be all today, Ellen?" I know what you are thinking...I asked today, and they don't have caller ID.

So today is officially a decadent day for me and feeling pretty great about it. Although I am a bit concerned about how the salt might adversely effect my keyboard.

nesting

There are books everywhere. It looks like my shelves exploded - but it's just that I decided to pull everything out last night...

They say that pregnant women often do this -'nesting'- shortly before they give birth. I don't mean getting the baby's room ready or making sure you've got diapers at the ready. What I'm talking about is a kind of obsessive sorting, tidying and re-organizing of everything you own.

When I was pregnant with Jemma I assumed it was some sort of myth and that it certainly wouldn't apply to me... And then, as the time drew near, I felt a manic pull to re-do everything. And I mean everything. Think spring cleaning - but super-sized.

Well, I'm doing it again. Two weeks away from going to Ethiopia to meet a baby who will soon be mine, I find myself caught up in a 'cleaning frenzy.' It's not like extra space in my closet or better organized bookshelves is going to help us with another child. And yet, here I am. Again.

Even without flutter kicks in my belly to remind me of the impending arrival my body knows. Everything is changing and charged... And I want to be prepared.

I guess I'm just nesting...




Image: Glenn Campbell

line of reasoning

The other day Jemma asked if she could have a play-date at her friend Julia's house. She hadn't been invited - and on top of that I had an earache, and thought we could spend some 'quiet time' together reading in bed.

"Not today," I told her. "I'm not feeling well, and I'd like you to come home. You can take care of me. We'll warm up some olive oil and drip it in my ear." I knew she would probably find this strange - but interesting.

"Okay," she said... but then a few minutes later she asked to have a play-date again.

"I need your help today." I said.

"If you don't let me go to Julia's I won't help you." she replied.

"We can't have a play-date today" I said, "but you don't have to help if you don't want to - I can do it myself."

I guess she thought she needed some leverage... Jemma knows that it's important to me that she's respectful - and she's had several conversations with her father about it recently.

So she said, "If you do it yourself I won't be polite to you."

"Well, I think you'll have a big problem with Papa then..." I told her.

And she said - absolutely seriously - "I know... That's why you need to let me go to Julia's house."

cemetery angels

While I was trying to find out where the photo from my previous post might be from, I came across these other sad seraphs...







Wall Street Journal slideshow
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703363704574503452377074522.html








Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn
http://ephemeralnewyork.wordpress.com/tag/green-wood-cemetery/







Image Source: Lucius Commons. Emelyn Story Tomba (Cimitero Acattolico Roma)








http://wn.com/Angel_Records










Manganite's photostream on flickr

dejected angel

I saw this photo on a friend's facebook page... I have no idea where it is or who took it, but I love it.

the smell of skin

This morning my 4 year old was giving me a hug, and she said, "You smell good."

Well, I hadn't showered, and I wasn't wearing perfume... Then she smelled my arm and said, "It's the same."

"Skin smells good." I said. And I really do think so. I love the smell of skin. Of course, everyone smells different. Once I briefly dated a guy that I knew immediately I could never have a long-term relationship with - for many reasons- but one of them was that the smell of his skin made me feel like I was choking. And I don't mean that he had stinky sweat. I like sweat. I actually think my husband's sweat smells amazing. (I'm sure there are those who wouldn't think so, but there it is.)

I suspect that smell is a strange sort of chemical indication of compatibility - and nothing is better than the skin smell of certain people you're close to. Think of the smell of the top of your kid's head when you kiss them - or the smell of your own mom - or the smell of someone you're really in love with - or really attracted to (it can be especially hard to break up with someone when you're addicted to their smell)...

I just like the way the smell of skin seems to describe a person, and to share a bit of them with you. I think that's why I've never had much of an appreciation for men's cologne. I like to smell the person - not a fragrance. It's not that I don't like certain perfumes - some women seem as accurately defined by their perfume as by their skin smell - and I do like when someone steps onto the subway wearing a cologne that smells clean and masculine - I just don't want to be around it for too long... The exceptions to this rule are two deodorants (Old Spice and Brut) and one perfume (Kai) that I'm happy to smell any time.

Martin Luther King Jr. quotes

In recent days I've seen a lot of Martin Luther King, Jr. quotations - and I thought I'd post some of my favorites on the blog...

"One day the absurdity of the almost universal human belief in the slavery of other animals will be palpable. We shall then have discovered our souls and become worthier of sharing this planet with them."

"Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase."

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

"Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars..."

"Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life: love illuminates it."