time to shave...

Tonight Jemma noticed the hair on my legs and said, "These are beginning to look like monster's legs... " Then, as if to reassure us both she said, "Anyway, we already know you're not a monster."

tired but happy

meeting our new daughter for the first time...

for good

We just had our court date in Ethiopia. It almost seemed too simple a procedure, after all the paperwork and the year-plus waiting time for the referral... There were a few questions and it was over. It took less than five minutes.

At the end, reminding us that our decision would be irreversible and irrevocable, the judge asked us whether we accepted the baby as ours. We answered, 'yes'. Then the judge said, "I don't have any more questions for you. She is yours for good."

For good, indeed.

the lesson

Jemma recently received a small snow-globe as a gift. She absolutely adored it - and liked to carry it around the house with her. I warned her that it could break easily, but she was so enthusiastic about having it that she often ended up 'forgetting' what I had told her.

Then this morning as I was packing her lunch for school I heard a cry from the next room. Her snow-globe had dropped and shattered - and she was devastated.

Now, you might think this would be the perfect opportunity to 'teach a lesson' - to show the child what happens when they don't listen... But I don't think so.

Bonnie Harris (the parenting expert) suggests that we avoid constantly 'teaching lessons' to our kids.

On her FB page she posts:

"Imagine thinking that your children are just fine the way they are and will learn what they need with strong, responsible, respectful modeling and that it is only our agendas that get in the way, create obstacles and take them off track."

And, additionally:

"When you see that your child is HAVING a problem (as opposed to 'being' a problem), you automatically switch from anger to compassion. That will change your reaction. All behavior stems from an internal state. If the behavior is off, it means the internal state is off. Punishing the behavior makes the internal state worse."

And for some reason, today I was aware enough to realize that sermonizing wasn't the appropriate response. Jemma already knew of all of the things I would have said, anyway - and they would have only served to make her feel worse. Instead, I put my arms around her and let her cry.

Life has all sorts of lessons and disappointments in store for every one of us. I think we're better off comforting one another than rubbing it in...

Maybe the lesson today was that there wasn't a lesson.