blowing kisses

go-go boots

night crawlers, anyone?

halloween

candy

I just saw a news blurb on yahoo that stated that peoples' Halloween giving habits reflect their personalities. Well, I guess everything we do does that...

I remember going to houses where the people only let you take one piece of candy - and often the candy they offered was the worst kind, like Necco wafers, licorice, or Tootsie rolls. (But with candy like that who would want more than one?) I never thought too much about what the candy - or the amount offered - said about the givers, but it fits.

When I was a kid we always got tons of trick-or-treaters at our house. Even though where we lived was a bit removed from the town, and the kids had to walk down a long driveway to get there, they always showed up in droves. Because my parents are just about the best Halloween-candy-giver-outers ever. They always have whatever might be your favorite treat (unless you happen to like the aforementioned candies... and in that case you have my sympathy, because somebody really should have introduced you to something yummier). My mom answers the door with an enormous wood-carved bowl filled with candy, and encourages kids to take handfuls. The usual reaction is disbelief. And then joy. (Amazing how a few pieces of candy can make a kid feel like they've just won the lottery.) And when the bowl runs low it just gets re-filled and re-filled so that all the kids get to have the same experience. And my mom never gets annoyed - even when someone gets especially greedy...

The article was right on target in this case. Because my parents' generosity is perhaps their most defining characteristic. It's one of the things I admire most about them.

Living in the city I usually don't give out candy from our apartment... I always think that there aren't many kids in the building anyway, and I like to get my daughter (and now both of my daughters!) to bed early.

But this year we decided to do it. I had already gotten the candy for tonight, but Scott didn't know that, and picked some up too - so now we have way too much... Looks like it's gonna be a Lemole Halloween on Riverside Drive.

nyc

lies lies lies, yeah

More wisdom from parenting expert Bonnie Harris:

"If you don't like or believe your child's answer or story, try something like, "Hmm. That doesn't sounds right to me. Are you sure?" or "That doesn't sound like the truth. Want another chance to tell me again?" or "I bet you wish that were the way it is. How do you think it really is?" Refrain from EVER saying, "That's a lie."

Young children do not lie on purpose. They are protecting themselves from getting in trouble, trying to get what they want, saving a parent from being disappointed in them, making up stories to make themselves look more important, etc. There is always a reason. The lie is a defense mechanism. Much better to get to the root of it rather than focus on the untruth. - Bonnie Harris (posted on Facebook)

summer job

laughing matter

Maybe it's because I get slaphappy when I'm exhausted and I'd only had four hours of sleep the night before, or maybe Tina Fey's book, Bossypants, is the funniest book ever written... but I started laughing out loud on the subway the other day.

I'm sure it wasn't the first time anyone has ever laughed out loud while reading. But afterwards what's supposed to happen is that the reader - slightly embarrassed, perhaps, after a few suspicious glances from fellow travelers - gets ahold of themselves and goes back to their book.

Well, that didn't happen... I just kept giggling uncontrollably.

Of course I was mortified... and a little desperate. Because I really couldn't stop. Part of me knew it wouldn't last forever - that at some point I'd be able to act like a normal person again. But apparently that wasn't the case... Not even after I had closed the book and put it away in my purse. Every few moments I'd think I was done, and then I'd just start laughing again. Eventually the other passengers stopped giving me dirty looks and just avoided looking at me altogether. (That struck me as hilariously funny, of course - which didn't help either.) When I got off the train at my station I was still cackling.

So would I recommend Bossypants? I would. Fey is smart and funny, and her book's worth reading (but if you're easily embarassed or sleep deprived you might not want to do it in public.)

weird

Sometimes when I'm in the subway or on the street I'll send people who look like they need it a little energy (or love or reiki or whatever the heck you want to call it.) It could be because they're homeless or maybe they're really old or sick or sometimes it's just because they look sad...

It's pretty simple. I (unobtrusively) turn my palm towards them and send out good wishes. That's all there is to it. Don't know if it ever makes a difference, but I do it anyway...

That's not the weird part.

Today - on this most magnificent day - when I was walking in the park I saw a gorgeous old tree that was about to be cut down. They had taped off the area around it, and you could see how a storm (or perhaps simply time) had worn away one side of the tree all the way to the center, making it unsafe. And as I was passing I instinctively turned my palm toward the tree. When I realized what I was doing I was momentarily embarrassed - yes, you can be embarrassed all by yourself - and was about to stop. But then something popped into my head: "Everyone should have someone with them when they're about to pass out of this life... " Wait a minute - Everyone?

Yes, I'm a cuckoo-nut-bird - I'm not even going to argue that- but usually not in this particular way. The idea of us 'all being one' is something that I understand to be true as a philosophical concept, but very rarely experience - and certainly not with plant life. But for some reason today 'we' included a tree in Riverside park. And that tree got reiki before it died.

maine (with a short visit to martha's vineyard)

in others' words

In this heat I think I'll just relax and let someone else do the talking... So here's some wisdom from my favorite parenting expert, Bonnie Harris.

"Remember when your child is out of control, it is BEST to do nothing but stay calm. Don't try to teach a lesson, give an opinion of what to do, or get a punitive attitude so "it won't happen again". Your child's need is to calm down. The best way for that to happen is for you to stay calm and accepting of her turmoil to help her calm. There's plenty of time to talk about it later."
(quote from Bonnie Harris' facebook post)

first recital

you get what you get

There's a saying, "you get what you get, and you don't get upset" that people often use with their kids. You hear it everywhere - it's practically a mantra of 'good parenting'. It's cute and it's catchy, and it seems like a pithy way to remind children not to fuss over every little thing.

But what is it really teaching your kid? What you're telling them is: "you don't have any control over this - and if that bothers you? well, - you can just shut up about it." You're negating the feelings they have about what's going on, and squelching potential conversation about it. Now, I'm not saying you should encourage your kid to howl on the floor for 45 minutes every time she doesn't get what she wants. But she should certainly be able to let you know how she feels - in any situation. It's ironic that people do everything in their power to make their kids be quiet and behave when they're little, and then wonder why the kids won't 'open up' or communicate with them later on... Duh.

It's not easy being a child. No, they don't have bills to pay or jobs to go to - but having someone else control everything in your life is extremely challenging for an ego (even a little one). And when you tell someone "you don't get upset" you're trying to control their emotions in addition everything else. And it's ridiculous. Of course they're upset. If someone told me, "you don't get upset" when it was obvious that that's exactly what I was, I'd probably kick them.

I guess if this phrase were used for everyone it might work as kind of a zen reminder that we can't control what life brings - and that we'd be happier if we didn't get too attached to external outcomes. Like that, it works just fine. But using it on kids as a sugar-coated control just seems idiotic and vaguely abusive.

look familiar?

I saw this ad for Gucci's new fragrance, and it made me laugh out loud. I don't know which is more entertaining, the title of the product or the photo... Do they think being guilty is sexy? Or is the Zoolander face supposed to sell the cologne? (I just can't figure out whether this dude's expression is more 'Magnum' or 'Blue Steel'.)






The only ad I like better than this one is Zoolander's own video .