Maine, August 2010

best friends

overheard in the playroom

JEMMA: A vegetarian is someone who eats only vegetables and no meat. Actually, I'm a vegetarian.

JANIE: Do you know what a chickenarian is? It's someone who doesn't eat vegetables and only eats chicken - and, actually, I'm a chickenarian.

our fish Bob

Bob is having floating issues again. Although he did snap out of it long enough to grab a few pieces of floating food this morning (thankfully before the food began to sink). He did miss a few, but it wasn’t so bad for a non-moving-floating fish, I think. He just opened his mouth and in they went. Pretty great coordination. Unfortunately he has been getting a lot of practice eating this way.

I’m still not sure if he is sick or just depressed. I used to think he was in a state of zen meditation. But now I’m having second thoughts about that. Wish there was such a thing as liquid Prozac. I would try it on him.

the measure of love

Jemma said to me yesterday, "I love Papa the most, and then you."

"Okay," I said.

Then she went on - just to make sure I understood.

"I love you this much." She held her hands apart about a foot. I nodded.

"No..." she corrected herself, moving them closer together, "this much."

She was completely serious. And maybe I should have felt slighted, but I'm familiar with how there are moments when love can be overwhelming - and how what you feel for one person can sometimes eclipse what you're feeling for everyone and everything else. (I have often felt this way about her.)

I couldn't help laughing. I got it. At that moment she loved her Dad a lot more than me.

Paying attention

Sometimes I feel bad when I don't pay full attention to my 4 year old daughter... And I know that you can't pay full attention at every moment - and, honestly, I don't think being 'zoned-out' while watching Barney is necessarily a bad thing...

But generally, I want to be more conscious in my interactions. I'd like to not be preoccupied about my plan for the day while I'm saying goodbye to my husband in the morning. I'd like to be more present in all of my exchanges, actually - which, I suppose, is what Zen is all about...

The amazing thing about being mindful is that - while it does take effort - it makes your experience - whatever it is -fuller, and usually more enjoyable. Which, I guess, is the point...

It also makes you a heck of a lot more pleasant to be around...

My sister, Lisa, has a friend named Sue - whom I often refer to as "my-sister's-best-friend-who-I-wish-were-my-best-friend." The thing I like best about her is the way that when she talks to you she's really with you - genuinely engaged in the conversation -not looking over your shoulder to see who else she might want to talk to, or making mental notes about how to re-arrange her closet ... She doesn't seem to be, anyway.

I'd like to be more like that...

economy of words

Lately Jemma, who has been using complex sentences since she was quite young, has taken to shouting out single words, like, "eat!"

I won't say it's driving me crazy, but I feel a bit like I'm stuck in a 'Max and Ruby' episode. (If you're not familiar with this children's program, suffice it to say that Max's vocabulary is pretty limited... in any given show you usually only hear him say one word... over and over again.)

Maybe it's a kind of baby-talk... I know children sometimes have a hard time with becoming 'big kids', and do that as a way to process getting older.

Or perhaps Jemma has a newly gained appreciation for the economic use of language. It could just be that she's a poet rather than a novelist...

danger zone

I think it is safe to say, at least as of this moment, that I managed not to kill anyone. It has been 3 days since the incident: I cooked dinner for 5 friends. So although this miracle might not be looked upon as a big deal to most, it is in my world. I’m not exactly known to be a cook, let alone a good cook. In fact, I’m usually frightened away from the kitchen by all those strange tools and things that make loud noises. I finally got used to the sink disposal noise when I realized the stuff left in the sink drain would dispense into the dishwasher filled with dishes if not cleared out before starting (I’m thinking that might not be true, but it did manage to get me over the noise-fear issue). Now if I could just get over all the other fears, like not killing someone from my kitchen concoctions.

It all started because of banana bread. I had some friends over and offered up some I had made as our desert. It was one of those fool proof recipes that unless you were a complete dork, you could make it, monkeys included. And amazingly it was pretty tasty. The reason for that is because of a series of mistakes. I forgot to take it out of the oven, and along with being set to the wrong temperature, it was in too long. The top was blackened, but somehow the crunchiness of the black part made the consistency of the undercooked insides good. I have tried to recreate it since to no avail. So the yum factor was admittedly a total fluke.

Our conversation went from how good it tasted, to a discussion on other items I might be able to cook that could be considered edible. I got caught up in the moment’s excitement and offered to cook dinner for everyone. All 5 of them. What was I thinking?

So here is the truth: I don’t think I am such a “bad” cook, I am just a perfectionist There are way too many possible wrong turns I can make in the kitchen which inevitably leads to a very dark, scary road. Way too much room for error.

My menu was a pipe dream. From the potato/tomato and salad appetizers, to the chicken/couscous/vegi entrée to the berry tart. Why I chose all this is something I can’t answer except to say I might not only be a perfectionist, but also a glutton for punishment. There were way too many moving pieces of this puzzle to put together. I could have chosen one app, but it wouldn’t have fit on the plate nicely alone. Two were needed…thus throwing myself directly on that road to disaster. Leading to the real and present danger of actually killing someone with my cooking creations.

I burned many candles in anticipation of an expected food fire in the oven, and had my favorite restaurant on speed dial just in case. Somehow I managed to keep everything in it’s normal range of color (not black and crisp), and with a heavy dose of wine, everyone seemed to enjoy dinner.

I heard it takes 48 hours for food poisoning symptoms to start up, so I think I am in the clear.

the name game

For some reason Jemma thinks that she's going to pick her baby sister's name... And I'm not going to get into that argument with her. I usually just tell her that we'll find out what the baby's name is when we meet her. But the last time I said that Jemma replied, "People give names to babies."

She asked me whether, when she was born in the hospital, the people there told me her name or whether I got to choose it. I fessed up that I had given her her name. "So," she said, "we get to name my baby sister."

We agreed that we could all participate in the naming by suggesting names we like. At first Jemma thought "Sheep" might be nice, but (thankfully) gave up on that one relatively quickly.

At the moment she'd like to name the baby "Alitalia" - because she thinks it's one of the prettiest words she knows... But I don't think that one's going to happen. I can't imagine what the people who gave me a hard time for naming my first daughter Jemima would say if I named my second daughter after an airline...

You had me at 'horse'

Yesterday I sat down to work on reading with Jemma. We haven't really done that very much, and I feel like perhaps I've been remiss... We read a lot together. But I'm always the one doing the reading. I know there are words she recognizes, but I figured it was time for her to take a stab at reading a book for herself...

I took out an easy reader - you know, the kind with simple words and a lame plot - and asked what the first word might spell. "Red" was her answer... That surprised me. It wasn't even close. Maybe she wasn't as aware of the words on the page as I thought... "Okay" I said, "let's try sounding it out - the first letter is Z, and Z says..." "Horse!" I started sounding out the word, but was interrupted by a burst of laughter. "Handle... Yucky Feet."

I cracked up. I had caught on by 'horse' that she wasn't actually trying to read - but, really, "yucky feet"? I guess making your mom laugh is a pretty good exercise, too.

After that she read me the book. She did pretty well with it, too. But I have to say that nothing in the story was as entertaining as 'yucky feet'.

two beautiful things

At a dinner party last night I was talking with one of the guests about our imminent (hopefully) adoption of a child from Ethiopia. I was explaining to him that in spite of all of the all of the possible challenges involved in raising an institutionalized child, and in spite of (or perhaps because of) the fact that this will change and expand my life in ways I can't yet comprehend, I felt such a strong pull to do it that it was an easy decision. And he told me something - that he said is originally from the Talmud - that I thought was beautiful...

"At the moment of commitment the Universe conspires for success."

I loved that.

Another thing he said (also lifted from the Talmud) is that every person should carry two pieces of paper with them - one in each pocket - the first one reading, "I am but a grain of sand in the universe" and the other reading, "the universe was created for me."

This so beautifully describes the paradox of our existence...

I see so many parents trying to teach their children that 'they're not the center of the universe' - and there are few things that irk me more...

I want my children to know that they are the center of the universe. And I want them to know that everyone else is, too.

Style

I've mentioned before that I don't have a strong fashion sense... This is probably why my husband thought I'd enjoy a 'closet makeover' - which he won for me at a fund-raiser auction.

I found the idea kind of exciting - like I'd be learning secrets that I've never had access to before... I'm not sure exactly what the session entails, but who knows what butterfly could emerge from the dark cocoon of my closet?

Well, today is the day, and all of a sudden I'm wondering if this is going to be like an episode of "What not to Wear" - which is a show in which two catty stylists take an everyday person, ridicule the way they dress (and usually their hair and make-up too), throw out 3/4 of what's in their closet, and give them tips to help them look more 'acceptable'... Lots of fun to watch, but I'm fairly certain I don't want to be that person.

But, it's already scheduled - in fact, the style expert - Lauren - is supposed to show up in 5 minutes...

Oh, and another quote that I really like...

“Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common.” - Satchel Paige

Saw this quote on a friend's facebook page...

You are quaffing drink from a hundred fountains: whenever any of these hundred yields less, your pleasure is diminished. But when the sublime fountain gushes from within you, no longer need you steal from other fountains. — Jalaluddin Rumi