parental intervention

This Christmas Jemma got an egg-chair that spins around and has a pull down shade. It does two things that kids love - hides them and makes them dizzy. Needless to say it was a big hit with all the cousins, and I was pleased to see that Jemma was happy to share with everyone.

I was also interested to see that she's perfectly capable of negotiating without any adult involvement - as demonstrated by the following interaction:

Jemma and Janie had been spinning one another around in the chair and Janie had just finished a turn.

Janie: Can I do it one more time?

Jemma: Um... No, thanks. We have to take turns.

Janie: (getting out of the chair) I was just kidding... Wasn't that a funny joke?

Jemma: (getting into the chair) Yeah.

And they happily continued going back and forth.

I've noticed that parents tend to get immediately involved when kids have a conflict. They'll wrench a toy out of their child's hand or tell them the 'right thing' to say. (Heaven forbid their child seems to be un-sharing or uncooperative.) I don't know if this is a fear of what their kid looks like to others (or how their kid's behavior reflects on them as a parent) - or just the instinct to constantly show their child the 'right' way to do things.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't get involved if your kid is hitting another kid over the head with his dump-truck - I just think we need to give them a little (safe) space to figure it out for themselves sometimes. Kids need to learn how to interact - but we don't necessarily need to teach them every second. They're pretty good at resolving things for themselves. Especially if they've seen us model constructive behavior. And constant correction and guidance (even if done nicely) isn't great for self-esteem.

I have trouble not getting involved, too - but in a bit of a different way... It's hard for me to see my daughter struggling, so my instinct is to do everything for her. Which, of course, isn't in her best interest either. I want her to feel confident and capable - so I'm constantly reminding myself to back off a little and let her work things out on her own.