The power of distraction

This morning as I was waiting in a mood-killingly long line at the Office of Vital Records, a toddler started howling. The mom didn't do anything to help the situation. In fact, she appeared to be actively antagonizing the kid by wiping the baby's face aggressively again and again. With each wipe there was a renewed wail. Surely any offending dirt had been removed by this time? But the mother wouldn't stop. It was as if she were trying to prove that she was the boss, and that she could do what she damn well pleased, whether her child liked it or not. I don't think the child had any doubts about this... Maybe that's why she was crying (if that woman were the boss of me I'd be crying, too.)

I was pretty sure I could get the kid to stop crying if the mom would quit tormenting her... The question was how to do this without offending or embarrassing the mother? (Because if the mom feels criticized, chances are she'll just be meaner to her child.) In a way, this would be like dismantling a bomb... I would have to be nimble and quick - and very careful. I would have to use some of the most subtle and powerful tools in my bag of tricks...

People talk about the benefits of positive thinking or the importance of directness - but you rarely hear anyone singing the praises of distraction. We usually think of a distraction as something that numbs our minds, or that is non-productive, like watching television, or playing video games. And it's not for every situation - but in certain circumstances there's nothing that works better.

Think about it. When you're feeling surly and behaving badly, does it help you feel (or act) better when someone points out that you're being an ass? Probably not. Confrontation just makes you feel more entrenched in your negative emotion. Sometimes, when you're in a really bad state you just need a little help getting out. And often the best help is simply distraction. (Because nothing is going to be solved while you're feeling miserable anyway.)

It's not easy (at least not for me) to butt into someone else's business... but both of these people were suffering -(and so was everyone else in that waiting room.) So I just went up and started talking. I talked mostly to the baby (who stopped fussing right away) - about what she was wearing, how her mom was so lucky to have company while she waited, and how hard it was to be patient. But I made sure to also talk about how lucky the little girl was to have a mom who had brought stuff for her to play with - and how hard waiting was for her mom too...

After a little while distraction prevailed. I won't say everyone felt great after that - they were still in the line at the Office of Vital Records, for goodness sake - but they felt a lot better.